Secrets are the most powerful thing in the world. People categorize which events in their lives are deemed “secrets” based on one criterion: The fear of what others will think of them. We hold onto these secrets as skeletons in closet, demons in our heads, memories of the past and scars that never fade.
These secrets can mold us into the people we are.
These secrets can dictate what kind of parent or spouse we will be.
These secrets can shape our perception of a specific person.
These secrets can cause us to be fearful, distrusting, and more secretive and ultimately imprison us for life.
There is only one way to take away the power of secrets. Tell that secret.
Once you realize that holding tightly to a mistake from your past or a horrible act that was done to you, is permanent punishment, you have to be brave and kill it because it will kill you.
Perhaps a bad business deal, an irresponsible choice that wreaked consequence and havoc on you and someone else occurred in your childhood, or in college, maybe even last year. You will carry this horrid weight around as baggage into every relationship. You will carry it to your grave. It will manifest itself in your body, in sickness, sleep disorders, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, weird coping mechanisms will be forged on the secrets behalf.
Society teaches us to worry about what others will think of us. What will people say if they know this? Once you tell it, all of that worry goes away in a flash. It is literally the fastest acting remedy I have ever experienced in my life. When you tell that secret, it loses its power over you within 60 seconds. It is fucking amazing and I am here to tell you to stop listening to this stupid world that has sold you a lie. The lie that the opinions of others are relevant to your happiness.
Sure we are all entitled to privacy and each individual is the only person who has the right to determine what should be private. I am not saying you have to be confessional. I am not encouraging people to wear their heart on their sleeve. I am not glorifying drama queens or attention seekers.
I am talking about something truly unique and it stands alone in a category all by itself.
Childhood traumas- incest survivor, molestation
Domestic violence survivor
Committing a crime
You were once a porn star or a stripper
You served time in jail
You bullied a kid and that kid ended up in a hospital or dead
You had anorexia or Bulimia
You cut yourself
You had a Juvie record
You lived in a halfway house
People are human and most of the self-righteous assholes out there that are the loudest and most judgmental are often the ones with the ugliest secrets of all.
Quite frankly, if you have no secrets, you’ve never lived through one of the taboo subjects mentioned, then guess what? You are a sheltered, ignorant and uninformed person. You managed to get through life unscathed without a scratch. You know what you know because you read about it or saw a movie about it, thus you have second hand or third hand knowledge at best. Count your blessings though.
I’ve met people like this. They are super thinned skinned and they get upset over nothing. They are the ones who are the real drama queens. They are the ones who live vicariously through the legitimate suffering of others. They are the ones who live in glass houses and throw stones (then duck down).
Yet often those who have lived a life of hell tend to live in denial about it. That’s another byproduct of secrets. In order to function, you pretty much have to be in a certain degree of denial in order to go on functioning. Denial is awesome because it actually works! I shit you not- people who master denial never have to deal with anything; it’s incredible. I have seen people who committed heinous acts or had horrors done to them and they burry it deep in the ground. They build a structure on top of it, plant a garden on it and poof- it’s gone!
They will always be the ones to point out other people’s shortcomings. They always focus on other people’s lives and they constantly have to be talking about others. These people are so easy to spot because they have an obsession with focusing on everyone, but their own shit.
Be brave, don’t let your secrets own you. Find a way to let it out, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.