I Just Feel Plain Weird in the U.S.

I am visiting the U.S. at the moment to see my daughter and my sister. I saw my parents and one other person; other than that I didn’t tell a soul I would be here. My family thinks I am weird for not missing them or the U.S. I do miss the food and the convenience, but no- I do not miss the culture, the people, the mindset of diaspora Jewry, the obseity, the materialism, the superficialness nor the super-sized existence.

I miss Jerusalem. I miss my pug. I miss the people who are nice to me for no reason and they have no agenda with me. I am in my second year as a new immigrant (olah hadasha). My first year I was busy with two projects that were very exciting for me: Passage to Israel: A traveling photo exhibition, and Talk17: A “Ted Talk” type format for a new platform discussing unconventional ideas about the conflict in the city of Ariel.

I am now looking for work as a professional grant writer, something I am experienced in and can do from home. Do I keep this damn blog in the meantime? I don’t know… I gave up on Facebook, I mean I seriously hate it. It’s not for me anymore, it’s not for me personally, professionaly or even for shits ‘n giggles.

I will still explore Jerusalem, talk to people, do a ton of listening and learning. I will try new foods and learn new recipes. My pug Fig will still be my best friend in the entire world. I will still do yoga with my awesome yogi. I want to return to reading books. I want to travel more and understand other microcultures within Israel. I want to learn more about myself and explore the parts of me that are developing.

I’ve just been really quiet lately. I think Facebook ruined social media for me. I think as an introvert, I got sucked into thinking I was protected by sitting on the other side of my handheld device. I have always had a three-year learning curve. I only spend about three years on any given relationship, job or project. I do not know why this is. Nonetheless it is the longest held pattern I have to date.

I think devoting three years of my life to the Facebook Zionist commuity is over now. I am not into Israel advocacy and I am not interested in maintaining contact with the Facebook community- nor those I met, even in person. I like the people in Israel that I know, but that is a really short list.

If I am retiring from social media activism and as a blogger… then wtf am I gonna do now? I suppose I can maintain the blog easily and let it evolve into a journal of sorts. I am on pause and that’s ok. When people ask “What do you do?” I’ll say, “I’m on pause.” That is so fucking weird- I never knew there was a “pause” button for life.

I just can’t get past how weird I feel in the U.S. -I really want to go home. Since when did Jerusalem feel more like home than the U.S.?

This is the worst blog entry I have ever composed. I can’t believe I’m gonna publish it. I didn’t even proof read or edit it. I think I just need to walk through the Old City, get a damn falafel and buy a bottle of Judean wine to reset myself.

 

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About jewess

I am a Judaic Studies academic who loves all facets of Jewry. I am at my core and artistic being, as I am a classically trained pianist and composer. I love aesthetics and my dog. I am a misanthrope, but try to be kind to everyone.
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