IN DEFENSE OF MEN (ducks down)

This is not a Jewy blog post. It’s a sexy blog post. Read on.

We live in a world where people are followers. Humans are sheep. This is not particularly evolutionary or new. However, it is on view in plain sight in front of the world. Welcome to Facebook. Facebook is a detailed display of the collective mind, groupthink, sheep following human race.

I saw a page today with a video of no less than 4.5 million views. It was a video of lattes that contained glitter. Yes, that’s right- glitter. People now want to drink glitter in their coffee. I mean, it’s cool because everyone thinks so, right?

I would like to address the pop-culture obsession with labeling every normal, red-blooded male that is attracted to women- as a “sexual predator.”

We know what “sexual” means, but let’s take a good look at “predator.”

A predator is described as one who exploits others, one who preys upon others, one who tries to take-over or seize another. It is also another word meaning- hunter. It is inherently used as something oppressive and destructive. Its origin is from the word plunder.

Why would I make a connection of humans behaving as sheep following idiots, to sexual predators? Because as usual, the media LABELS everything, thus spoon feeding you an opinion and influencing what you think. Take that and multiply it by the number of your Facebook friends who like, share and comment on these popular media posts.

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We must make room and protect, yes I said it, PROTECT the majority, the masses of men who are not predators. They do not seek to overpower, oppress or exploit women sexually. A man with a healthy sex drive, a man who lusts, a man who watches porn, a man who masturbates, a man who wants sex is not a sexual predator. What is he? He is a man.

For the purpose of this blog, everything I am going to discuss should be taken in the context of a non-work environment, unless otherwise specified. Why am I differentiating between inside the workplace versus outside the workplace? Because it matters. If any of these behaviors take place within the workplace it can be deemed sexual harassment- so let us just leave sex out of our office, ok? Going forward, everyone’s life will be made easier- and hey, we are supposed to be working at work, right? We need to be focused and productive, not figuring out how to bang somebody.

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Flirting, gesturing, pet names, a hand on the back, lingering glances, sexy conversation that just gets a little too hot are not categorically predatorial in nature. Every man that engages a woman in dialogue is not an oppressive seeking, exploiting asshole. If a man checks you out at a gas station or in the crosswalk at an intersection, he is not a pervert. He is a man.

If you are single and he is single, plus he likes you, he most certainly finds you attractive. This means he will want to have sex with you. That does not make him a pervert either. He is a man.

I would imagine every man in society right now is terrified to give a woman a compliment or offer to do anything for her whatsoever. I would also suspect that dating a co-worker will become a thing of the past. Men will be sitting in meetings not making eye contact with females at the table. Men will no longer offer to get you a cup of coffee while they are out. Ladies, your lunch buddy may be a man, but he may very well stop joining you on lunch break.

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I am not a man, but if I were, I would not be too fond of the female species right now. I would think women were hypersensitive prudes who simply hated men. I would keep to myself.

Yet what will all of this bring? What will be the outcome of this labeling of men as sexual predators and perverts? Let me take a guess, I am not a sociologist, but I am a human being who thinks in a divergent manner.

I think men will still have a desire for sex. I think women will still have a sex drive too. So how will they get together? Dating websites? That is a thing of the past. Now people use apps that are primarily for hook-ups. Sure it can evolve into a real relationship, but whatever… So if we only interact with the opposite sex through our hand-held device, what will become of our society? We already text (and sext) with a person before meeting them in real life anyway. Are we now going to remove the healthy interaction and natural exchange between men and women in our day-to- day lives? Are we now going to be forced to avoid the opposite sex so we are not wrongfully accused of sexual misconduct?

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Women do it too

I hate to break it to all of the sheep out there in Facebook land, but women do sexually harass men, women do flirt with men, women do touch men inappropriately and women do make suggestive comments, they gesture, they rub up against the front of him like –oops! Women do know how to use their feminine power and some of them do not wield it benevolently. Women do know the power of a glance and holding a man’s gaze for a bit too long. Women do know that you don’t have to show cleavage, legs, wear a tight outfit or yoga pants to get a guy to notice you (unless you are really unfortunate looking and are thus reduced to such desperation, but that is another blog post for women only). It is about our voice, it is our hair, our smile, or our resting bitch face. It is our perfume, our high heels, our personality, our laugh and our strength. We call upon all of them or none of them on any given day to advance, achieve, reject or disrupt the comfort of a room. Many times it is involuntary and other times it is entirely strategic and calculated.

My undergrad is in Human Resource Management. I can tell you first hand that women do not get reported for sexual harassment and when they do, (rarely) they can get out of it. Remember the Michael Douglas-Demi Moore film Disclosure? She was his former lover, turned boss. Moral of that story? NEVER EVER WORK FOR ANYONE YOU HAVE SLEPT WITH. There is a risk that it can come back to bite you in the ass (no pun intended). Hell, even working with an equal that you dated can be messy and create conflict. The insubordinate issue though, is the most dangerous of all.

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I think women are being hypocrites and I’m here to call my sisters out. I have seen it hundreds of times; standing at the Xerox machine, whispering during meetings, the texting to each other, the way we light up if he compliments us and OMG, if he does it in front of other people- the whole office knows he’s hot for me! Have you ever sent him a selfies? Even one fully dressed is not innocent. Let’s take responsibility for our actions too ladies. I have seen it time and again.

There was a woman in my office at a former job- I will call her Anya. She was a tall, bombshell of long legs, thick luscious red hair, blue eyes and a sick body. She was the office slut. She even talked about it, she was not subtle, and she was not slick about it. She was dumb. She was sexually harassed all the time and would complain to our boss about it. I observed it daily and yeah, it was pretty bad, but she did not comprehend her role in it. She invited it. She egged them on. Yet she felt that she should be allowed to flirt, tease and be suggestive, yet still say- “hey I don’t like that, don’t talk to me that way.” Ok, fine. She would sleep with and date colleagues, and then when it didn’t work out, it got weird, like super awkward. Many men in my office were reprimanded and even written up, which went into their personnel file. One of them was moved to a different department. It caused a lot of drama for the office and it was a constant soap opera. She just didn’t know how to keep it down, how to play it cool; she was not artful in her approach. She ended up pregnant. This did not slow her down. Why am I going into all of this? Because- the point is that SHE WAS NEVER REPRIMANDED. HER PERSONNEL FILE WAS NEVER TARNISHED. She was more disruptive to the workflow, professional environment and comfort of the office than any of her “predators.” Could I argue that she herself was predatorial? Yes. You bet I can and she was as much of a predator of men as any Demi Moore character in a film.

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I am not saying all women are like this. I am saying there are women like this. I am also saying there are women who are oblivious to the vibe they send men. Many women are ignorant to how just simply being us can affect men.

So what to do? Where do we go from here?

Well for one thing, we need to quit being self-righteous. Human beings are sexual beings. No one is an angel and no one is exempt from those moments of flirtation and reaction. It happens. It’s called life; it’s called being a person. I do believe all sexual behavior should remain out of the workplace now and forever. Ok, fine, that’s easier, said than done, but damn it, we must- it’s for everyone’s own good.

Outside the workplace- go for it. Do whatever you want. As long as it is CONSENSUAL- go for it.

Yet here again, there is another exception to the rule. I gotta say, I prefer a man’s man, not a ladies man. If a guy asked for my consent to kiss me, I would so not be into the kiss. Touch me like you want me, not like you’re thinking about it or suggesting it lightly. I wanna be man handled, but not many women do. I want a man to stand up to me, take me on. I don’t want some pussy man who has been castrated by third wave fake feminism. I respect a real man. A real man doesn’t need office romance to feel like a man. A real man will be smart enough to know how to attract the right woman for him. He will play by the rules and not get stupid and then get caught for being stupid. Guys, own your shit on this one. Ladies, own your shit too- don’t be all “damsel in distress” bullshit. Take responsibility and quit with the giant public blanket of “sexual predator”- I mean for fuck sakes, I could easily be labeled a pervert…although it wouldn’t upset me.

Women know damn well that men are controlled by the dumb dumb stick and those of us who do not wield our feminine power benevolently can and do exploit the vulnerability of men. We are also the same women who never get caught and men generally like it. Huh? Yup. There’s that matter too… men like being sexually harassed by women. Well, it depends really… I mean if Jason Momoa (Khal Drogo, Game of Thrones) was my co-worker or boss and sexually harassed me, I think I’d be pretty damn happy about it. Guys, if Daneryas Targarean (Queen on Game of Thrones) sexually harassed you at work, I’m thinking you’d be pretty damn happy too. Why? What’s with the discrepancy? Let’s be honest my shallow friends and followers- LOOKS MATTER. SEXUALITY IS A POWERFUL THING. BEAUTY IS RELENTLESS AND TAKES NO PRISONERS. But hey, this is real life and none of us have any freakishly alien hot people in our offices. A few of us are lucky enough to have attractive people around, but not the tiny fraction of immortals who possess a beauty most humans have never come face to face with in real life. Thank Gd right? I mean seriously, we would all be in trouble if that were the case. Perhaps that is nature’s way of protecting us- dishing out such perfect DNA to only a few people on the planet per generation in order to spare us of the agony that would follow.

All I am saying is, let’s be honest. Let’s quit with the stereotypes, the labels, and the groupthink and be brutally honest with ourselves. I will start with me. Because after all, the only way anything changes is one person at a time, humbling himself or herself, looking in the mirror and doing the necessary soul searching to uncover what lurks beneath. Few have the courage to do this and even fewer can shed their ego long enough to take personal inventory. A real man can do it. And a real woman can too. Can you?

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About jewess

I am a Judaic Studies academic who loves all facets of Jewry. I am at my core and artistic being, as I am a classically trained pianist and composer. I love aesthetics and my dog. I am a misanthrope, but try to be kind to everyone.
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2 Responses to IN DEFENSE OF MEN (ducks down)

  1. sarit1952 says:

    Ouch. OK, there’s this side of it….OTOH, that doesn’t negate the #MeToo episodes of my life and other lives. My sexual harassment experiences were clearly NOT because I did a come-on to anyone (in those cases where there was sexual contact because of my come-on, I considered that part of dating, and take/took full responsibility for it).

    I went to a college football game with a guy who asked me and who kept touching me under the stadium blanket during the game. I told him to stop. He didn’t. We left. I said goodnight at the door and made it plain I wasn’t inviting him inside–so when I opened the door, he propelled me inside, pushed me down on the couch, climbed on top and stuck his tongue in my mouth–all with such force that he broke my glasses. I slugged him. He left.

    I was in the middle of a consult with my grad school adviser, who suddenly got up and walked around the desk. He was a senior professor, so I stood up, thinking he was signalling that our session was over. Not at all. He walked up to me and grabbed both boobs and starting telling me hoarsely how sexy I was, while groping me. I was frozen. This guy controlled my grades in two classes. He stopped after asking me if I had a boyfriend and was on the pill. I lied and said “no.” He dropped me like a hot rock.

    I worked as a law clerk in an office where the copy machine was in a small office re-purposed as a store room — copy machine plus lots of shelves for supplies. Yet whenever I was in there to copy cases for an attorney, one senior attorney (married, children, fat and ugly) always needed some supplies and always sidled past me, and invariably rubbed his dick against my ass. As if this was an accident. I got my revenge when he deliberately sat next to me during an office lunch and under the table started running his hand up my thigh — so loud the entire dining room heard it, I said “If you don’t get your hand off my thigh right this minute, I’m going to run this fork through it!” He turned bright red and left.

    I won’t address the guy who tried to rape me on a first date, or the ex-boyfriend who did rape me to show me I couldn’t get away, or the boss’s friend who was too drunk to drive (allegedly) and was only held off at gunpoint. Yes, really. I wasn’t flirting or coming on or sending sexual signals or “I want it” messages to any of these assholes. The first was a get-acquainted dinner date he initiated and we mostly talked about his ex-girlfriend (or rather, he talked, I listened); the second was a guy I’d broken up with and who tracked me down to where I was house-sitting for another friend–I made the mistake of letting him come in to plead his case for why we should get back together and my refusal triggered a revenge rape; the last was a guy I drove home at my boss’s request and who decided that because I agreed to drive him, I must “want it.”

    Please don’t underestimate the number of asshole men out there who live in our highly permissive culture (which permissive culture is fine so long as they understand “no”) and who think they have an entitlement to finger-fuck-French-fondle any woman they please. #MeToo is real — and I have nothing but contempt for those women like “Anya” who are witless drama queens whose baseless accusations demean the very real experiences many of us have had at the hand of sexual predators.

    Like

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