It is a peculiar thing indeed to love without release.
It is a burden to carry a cavernous capacity to love without anyone to bestow it upon.
It is cumbersome to possess a love from deep within the bottomless pit of one’s soul and to not be granted permission to share it with another.
I love deeply and fully. I love without a tameness of heart. I love fearlessly and fiercely.
Who could handle such a love? Who could tolerate being in the presence of this magnitude of love?
This is not a love meant for mortals. It is a love by design for these unique creatures blessed with this curse. I have searched the world. I have had many lovers and I have found not a soul who can contain a fraction of the love I have to offer.
There is not a being that feels worthy of such love. Humans shutter in the presence of such greatness of love.
There is one though. There is a worthy entity that cannot only receive my love, but contain it, grow it, release it, spread it and reciprocate it to the extent, which I bestow it.
It is Israel.
I love her and she loves me. I will never give her up and she will never ask me to.I get to keep her forever. She is mine and accepts me just as I am.
I am in love with her stone, her trees, the dirt and the wind. I am in love with her scent and her sounds. I feel her move and I feel her stillness. She has connected a piece of herself within me that is so deep I cannot imagine severing it because it would be like removing a piece of my physical body.
Israel is eternal and so my love will always live in her. One day when my body dies, I will be absorbed into the root system of her ground. She will be nourished by my love and remain connected with me.
So many people cannot utter the words “I love you”, even when they do love someone. Love has become a frightful term equated with weakness of character, a limp backbone, a hopeless romantique who is not realistic and therefore a fool.
Love is seen as a tragic case for young people who are too inexperienced to know better.Love is more feared than hate. It is easier to accept one’s hatred of us than one’s love of us.
We associate love with being impermanent, flawed and suffering. We connect love with a temporary fantasy that is neither sustainable nor rational because it cannot be scientifically measured.
It is that which I cannot explain that holds me. It is the unfathomable that keeps me. It is the incomprehensible that sustains me. It is all that I cannot understand that grounds me to this infinite thing called love. The mystery, the abstract and the provocation are all I require to maintain this interest.
I am becoming love. I am intertwined with my love. Israel and I are becoming the soul of each other.
I am not afraid of her. I do not require that she call or text me. She does not need to wine me and dine me. We do not need to sleep together or have multiple orgasms.
We have something unquantifiable.