If what you are doing isn’t working, it means you are suppose to do something else- change it, do something different.

Indeed no one can change Arab ideology, nor the would-be Palestinian need to believe their Arafat invention that is only 50 years old- okay, 100 years old because I am so generous. This is not a point of argument because by the time I am done it will be irrelevant anyway.

I am going to do the opposite of what Israel has done.

I am not going to oppress you or control you. I am not going to babysit you.

I am going to liberate you and thus JStreet and JVP (Jewish Voice for Peace) as well as SJP (Students for Justice in Palestine) will become obsolete because by the time I am done with you, you will not resemble the tragedy they sell you to be.

What do they do for you anyway? Have they bought you a nice car? Have they sold you some fabulous jeans? No. They don’t know what you want, but I do.

I am going to privatize the new Palestine. Yes you heard me correctly- I am the new Tony Stark- AKA Iron Man (Woman) who is the super hero that shall privatize peace.

I am going to get a bunch of AMERICAN JEWISH business entrepreneurs to invest in your new state.

I shall build you malls, luxury housing, and car dealerships, four and five star restaurants. You shall have Starbucks and you shall have all the chain stores that are in Qatar. You will be the envy of the Arab world. All Arabs will be jealous of you and your pretty new state dripping in opulence and materialism.

I am going to give you Krispy Cream Doughnuts and make you fat and happy, just like American’s.

If you are happy than that is what really counts in life, right? You loathe the Arab elite and what they have. You loathe the Jews and what they have. It is now your turn to have such creature comforts and luxury items too.



The American Jewish capitalists are really good at this. It’s what we do. We have done it in the U.S. and have taught the entire world about materialism and how happy it can make the world.

What about ideology, the status quo, the occupation, the freedom of movement, treatment, rights… etc?

You see, the Palestinian’s have never had a proper occupation. When a country occupies you it is suppose to be temporary and for the betterment of your people.

The British occupied India and left them in a BETTER condition, not for the worse. They were more sophisticated and refined. They got to keep their dignity (well sorta) and pride.

You shall have checkpoints with landscaping and kiosks where goods are sold. There shall be an artists colony while you await your turn- so that you can browse the Palestinian made arts and crafts, which of course all proceeds go to the new Palestinian state.

I shall give you a PROPER OCCUPATION and you WILL LIKE IT. You will be educated, you will be schooled, you will go to university and you will all have jobs You have too much damn time on your hands and we want you to have something to do with your lives.

I shall sell this enterprise to a core group of Arabs who identify as Palestinian and you will create the parameters for the execution of this economic steroid. You will be the ones to implement the standards of behavior and articulate the expectations of how this wonderful group of disenfranchised people can become the greatest start-up nation.

Go ahead and stay in Areas A and B. Go ahead and remain where you are so that no one has to be deported to Gaza- cause eww, that is just not the place for you guys, right?

So who will govern you? You will eventually learn and be taught by none other than American Jews how to achieve this.

How does this sound: You know how the U.S. has Puerto Rico? It is a U.S. territory- but it is autonomous. You guys can be a territory. Sure you could be an Israeli territory that is self governed called “Palestine”- or you could be another U.S. territory called “Palestine”- but let’s put that on the back burner. There will be time to discuss this after your grandparents have passed on and we have educated the young up and coming generation of future Palestine.

What about dissenters? What about enemies who do not want this? I am talking about Hamas. They will freak out, have a melt down and bomb the fuck outta the new shopping malls, the fancy hotels, the fabulous restaurants and you will be pissed off and upset.

You will want Israel to do what you’ve always wished they would do and guess what? We American Jewish entrepreneurs will hire the IDF as independent contractors (since this is still a private enterprise, you are not a territory yet) to destroy Hamas permanently.

So now you are welcome. Thank you very much- we have cured your jealousy of Israel. We know you could never build what we achieved in 70 years- we will just fix it all for you.

No reason for us to fear you blowing up our buses, fighting on the Temple Mount or stabbing Jews in the streets. You will be too busy drinking iced mocha latte’s from Starbucks, buying the coolest “stuff” and when the pissed off Arabs ask you to hurt us- you will be too busy because you have to get to your job at the Gap since you are the manager there.

Oh and you will all get an XBOX. That’s right! I will have the American Jews create a game where you can take all your frustration out on Jews by stabbing them on your 52-inch screen TV as you sit in your McMansion.

You will be consumer debt slaves just like us American’s. You will be too busy with the “keeping up with the Jones’s syndrome”- just like us Westerners. You won’t have time for that terrorism bullshit. You just want to live in a place called Palestine and feel really proud and important. I’ve gotcha.

The next generation- the grandchildren, will get freedom of movement by then.

Eventually you will be doing business with us because you see- if you cannot sustain this enterprise, well no one will like you and you will hate yourselves…

I am better than UNRWA, I am better than the UN, JVP or SJP. I am a businesswoman from the US. Hmm- what will those orgs do now? What will the NGO’s who are so committed to your aid do? Looks like their funding isn’t really going to you guys anyway. Fuck ‘em.

It is always insulting to state the obvious, but this is social media, so therefore, I must. This is a parody.


About jewess

I am a Judaic Studies academic who loves all facets of Jewry. I am at my core and artistic being, as I am a classically trained pianist and composer. I love aesthetics and my dog. I am a misanthrope, but try to be kind to everyone.
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