Jaffa is not a Stand With Us Video

There is so much energy and life here in Jaffa. Every Friday around sunset, this vast beach lined with grass, like a giant sprawling park, is filled, but not over crowded with families. They are playing with their children, grilling-out, they have blankets and lawn chairs too. Some bring hookahs and some bring their dogs. They are smiling and laughing, some play music.

They are Israelis.

They are Arabs, not Jews.

They remind me of the happy, singing, dancing Jews all over Jerusalem. They celebrate life and they are one with this place. Women in hijabs sit in a circle talking about their day. Men smoking shisha or playing cards are nearby. The kids are on bikes, scooters, skateboards and running, just like in Jerusalem.

Yet this is nothing like Jerusalem and that is what makes it magical. It is Israel. It is not the Israel you see in a Stand With Us video. It is not the Israel you see in a Hasbara propaganda piece. It is not a recognizable scene from the Ministry of Tourism either. It is Jaffa. It is the ancient port city of this land that has always had a continuous presence of both Arabs and Jews.

I can sit on my mirpeset, high above Yefet Street and look down at the restaurant where the men sit and grill meat from 6:00 AM until after 9:00 PM. I observe the bakery called Kahil, also kikar Kahil and he makes his famous ring shaped bread covered in seeds. The neighborhood is a bit economically depressed. There is no retail worth my time. There are tons of tiny corner stores that sell the basics. I do all my shopping in the Hapishpishim, not here, unless I’m buying produce of course or coffee; damn good Arabic and Turkish coffee. Across the street is a kosher butcher and a couple doors down are a halal butcher. I have sampled both. I don’t like pargit chicken regardless, even though it is an Israeli staple item. I will forever only love chicken breast. I really miss a big, juicy chicken breast…

I don’t really fit in here either. It’s funny, I never felt like I fit in the US, or Jerusalem for sure not- yet this isn’t about fitting in and I don’t think it really ever was. I think the only point of me maintaining my blog is to show you a bit of something you otherwise would not see. Maybe, just maybe it will spark something in someone.

I read the Israeli headlines each day in the news. It’s funny, no matter what country you live in; the media all takes the same approach- just stir the pot. Period. It’s almost always negative, or exaggerated or bullshit, which I find vanilla and boring. Honestly, like I give a fuck that the famous actor in Fauda married a Muslim woman. Honestly, like I give a fuck that Melania Trump feels bullied. I am interested in the everyday, simple human stories that are relatable and that touch the humanity in everyone. The stories that cross-economic, political, religious, gender, cultural boundaries are the only stories worth my time.

I want to get a digital camera. I’ve been thinking about it lately. There are moments that my iPhone just cannot capture appropriately. If I had a good camera with a zoom lens, you guys could’ve seen the moon tonight. It was a sliver- like a baby’s eyelash. The top right hand corner was orange and then white, the left corner was blue. I have no proof. I could and I do take close up pictures of people’s faces while they are going about their day and capture the mood of the air here. Priceless I tell you.

The police sirens here are much less than what I used to hear at Damascus gate. I hear sounds of life, but none of it is startling or disconcerting. The best part is the beach. No matter what kind of day I have had, no matter what my mood is, when I walk down the cross street each evening to watch the sunset, I am transported. I am soothed, content and happy to just smell the air and see the beauty of the sea. This is the softer side of Israel and it is mine.


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I live in an Arab area, mostly Muslim. I chose this place because I wanted to be no more than a five minute walk to the beach. I go there every day.

I’d love to live in the HaPishpishim (flea market) or Old City, but I couldn’t afford it.

I’m getting used to the smells of men’s cheap cologne, the fish market and shisha.

I stick out like a sore thumb. I have no clue what they make of me. My short white hair, my European clothes, my American accent, my embarrassing shitty Hebrew and ailing pug…

I am humbled. They are so so Israeli, in a way I never will be.

Israelis come in every imaginable way. I’m learning about a new way. I keep pushing myself deeper into otherness. It is isolating, I know this. Yet it’s fulfilling to be able to test one’s self. It forces me to be quiet and observe. I don’t feel like I am anyone or anything and I think that’s what I really wanted. I needed to let all that I am go. When you no longer pay attention to what others think and you just live without judging one minute of the day, you become free. Really free.

#jaffa #yafo

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#Metoo should be non-partisan

Well I’ve finally finished watching Dr. Blasey-Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh address the Senate. I don’t like politics and I don’t like American culture, but I will continue to address the matters in society that get swept under the rug. I don’t process information like everyone else. I am divergent. I don’t use common limiting assumptions as a basis for understanding- ANYTHING.

I don’t care much for Senator Graham either, but he’s right. The fact that Feinstein had this complain and sat on it for 3 three weeks is everything to me.

Graham nailed it when he said, “both Dr. Blasey Ford and Kavanaugh are victims of this sham.”

Here you have two adults answering for behavior from when they were TEENAGERS. Honestly, if a fucking cop had been called that night all these spoiled little rich shits would’ve been busted. Hell, the laws today say that the parents of the household where this party occurred would have been liable and arrested. Under age drinking, sex- anyone here participate in underage anything? Like, ever? Shoplifting, Vandalism, smoking weed, sex with your girlfriend or boyfriend- it’s all illegal and had there been an arrest, guess what sheep? Juvie records are sealed…

I digress…

I think Blasey-Ford is a pawn and so is Kavanaugh. I am so disgusted with American politicians right now. This is the dirtiest thing I’ve ever seen. If I were Blasey-Ford, I’d tell the Dems they fucked it up, they had this thing in possession for 45 days and then brought it to the forefront right before the confirmation of a pro-life judge. They suppressed this on purpose till after the midterm. Duh, so fucking dirty… Common people… Are you fucking kidding me? If I were Kavanaugh, I’d tell the Republican’s they failed him entirely. Both of these people need to tell the senate committee to fuck themselves.

Worse yet are the billions of sheep on this planet. The majority, I’d say 99% of the human race that are followers and not thinkers. This isn’t about #Metoo. This isn’t about whether or not Blasey-Ford is lying or not. This isn’t about whether Kavanaugh is the guy who assaulted this woman in high school. This is a filthy dirty political agenda, a game of chess to fight for a judge that will either uphold Roe V Wade or overturn it. Neither of these professional, accomplished, adults should have to answer for one damn thing they did as juveniles.

All these high and mighty, self-righteous, judgmental, holier-than-thou critics can suck it. Leave both of these people alone.

This should’ve been a non-partisan issue. I mean seriously, since when is sexual assault allegations against any person a partisan issue? That makes me hate American politics even more. And the retards that fell for it!

Why the hell aren’t women ready to call out Feinstein? Is everyone in the world mad? WTF kind of feminist withholds this kind of time bomb information on purpose in order to further a political agenda? None of these bitches give one fuck about Blasey-Ford. None of these “feminists” grasp what they just did to the #Metoo movement. These bitches just contaminated it and made a mockery of it. I feel so sorry for this woman right now and most people will totally miss the point I am making. Most people are so myopic that they can only see what the media spoon-feeds them. I didn’t write a post about what did or did not happen that night, it just isn’t about that. This is so much bigger.

Brett Kavanaugh, geez- no I don’t like him. No, I don’t want another pro-life judge either, but ffs sakes America, you just screwed up the last system in place we had going for us.



(I wonder what RBG would do?)


I also realize there will be women who tell me that my post means that I don’t think sexual assault matters. Yes it does, in fact it matters so much that I wrote this rant in order to demonstrate what a fucking failure both the Dems and Republicans are for women. Neither one gives one fuck about sexual assault. If you can’t see that, then the Koolaid must taste really good.


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I Am That Woman

I am a woman

I am a daughter

I am a mother

I am a sister

I am a wife

I am a grandmother

I am an aunt

I am a scientist

I am an accountant

I am a judge

I am a CEO

I am a mistress

I am a porn star

I am a stripper

I am a drug dealer

I am a Madame

I said no

I said yes

I said more

I said I’m finished

I said you’re hired

I said you’re fired

I said quit

I said stop

I said faster

I said take it slow

I am sober

I am drunk

I am on the floor

I am standing up

I am driving

I am walking

I am running

I do yoga

I lift weights

I swim

I cook

I shop

I paint my nails

I get my hair done

I’ve had plastic surgery

I’ve had lipo

I color my hair

I am on a diet

I lost 30 pounds

I gained 30 pounds

I binge

I vomit

I have depression

I have anxiety

I am suicidal

I am not pretty

I am ugly

I wish I were her

I wish I were thinner

I wish I had bigger breasts

I cheated on my husband

I am in love

I am getting divorced

I had a miscarriage

I am going to adopt

I had an abortion

I cut myself

I quit my job

I ran away from home

I fucked my boss, twice

I drove home drunk

I hitchhiked

I passed out on his couch

The condom broke

I had a hysterectomy

I had a mastectomy

I wear make-up

I prefer natural

I wear high heels

I wear tennis shoes

I shaved my head bald

I have extensions

I wear false eyelashes

I bleach my skin

I go to a tanning bed

I masturbate daily

I cannot have a vaginal orgasm

I’ve had a threesome

I am a virgin

I hate her

I love her

I am prettier than her

I am smart

I have a Master’s degree

I am a drug addict

I have a GED

I am in rehab

I filed bankruptcy

I am wealthy

I am self-made

I inherited my mom’s money

I give to charity

I volunteer

I work 900 number phone sex lines

I snort coke when I’m stressed

I smoke weed when I’m stressed

I am a neat freak

I am a slob

I lie

I have tattoos

I have body piercings

I have no children

I have two children

I have children in college

I have 9 grandchildren

I got remarried

I have two boyfriends

I don’t like to date

I like sex

I dislike sex

I love giving oral sex

I hate giving oral sex

I’ve had 7 partners

I’ve had 63 partners

I’ve had 2 partners

I have herpes

I have chlamydia

I have HPV

I have cancer

I survived cancer

I work 40 hours a week

I don’t work

I work part time

I have three jobs

I work 80 hours a week

I am retired

I never get hit on

I get hit on daily

I don’t flirt

I am a flirt

I wear loose fitting clothes

I wear form-fitting clothes

I am a size 2

I am a size 10

I am 5’6”

I am 4’11”

I weight 118 pounds

I weight 200 pounds

I am a model

I am an artist

I am a rock star

I am a mechanic

I am a linguist

I am liberal

I am conservative

I save money

I spend money

I hate women

I love women

I have male friends

I have female friends

I am jealous

I am supportive

I don’t believe her

I totally believe her

I hate her

I love her

I am a lady

I am a bitch

I am demur

I am poised

I am loud

I am feminine

I am soft

I wax my body

I have armpit hair

I shave my vagina

I have a bush

I curse

I never curse

I love her

I hate her

I was raped

I was molested as a child

I was sexually assaulted

I was sexually harassed by my boss

I sexually harassed my employee

I told no one

I told everyone

I told two people 3 years later

I have a vibrator

I have lube

I haven’t had sex in a year

I wear short skirts

I wear long skirts

I drive a truck

I drive a Toyota

I drive a motorcycle

I own a boat

I own a house by myself

I put together IKEA furniture by myself

I installed my internet by myself

I built my deck

I cannot built anything

I am not mechanically inclined

I am not tech savvy

I go to the movies alone

I take myself out to dinner alone

I have a spa day alone

I have a spa day with my sister

I have a spa day with my girlfriends

I hate weddings

I love weddings

I don’t believe in marriage

I am 20

I am 42

I am 69


These are all actual women and there are billions more not represented here.


Women, stop judging women.

Women, stop destroying women.

Women, stop competing with women.

Women, stop harassing women.

Women, stop being jealous of women.

Women, stop gossiping about women.

If you do these things, you are not pro-woman, you are anti-woman, anti-your own species.














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Fake Feminism- taking back actual feminism is not gonna be easy

Women today hate women for being women. Women betray feminist values because they are jealous, petty and judgmental.

Women are not unified, they are divided within. The first to cast stones when a woman steps forward to say she was sexually assaulted or raped is in fact, women.

When a woman has an affair with a married man, women assume she is a home wrecker, a whore and vixen. It never occurs to women that perhaps she is none of those things.

Men lie.

Men cheat.

Men lead double lives, as in a dual lifestyle in two different worlds.

Men create an illusion of another life and they earn a woman’s trust through performing various acts of love and adoration.

If a person gets swindled out of money, people feel bad for that person.

If a person is robbed, a victim of vandalism, identity fraud or attacked, people have sympathy.

Yet when a woman gives her most precious gift, the gift of trust to a man and he betrays her, it’s the woman’s fault. Everything is the woman’s fault.

Women do not trust women.

Women secretly hate pretty women, skinny women, women with height, particularly if they are highly educated and successful too.

Women judge over weight women, they think they are depressed or lazy. Seriously…

If you are a woman who doesn’t care what other people think of you and you live your life, women will be jealous of that. If you are single and are sexually active, you enjoy good sex and celebrate it, you are a slut. If you take care of yourself and have a great figure, you are to be loathed because you are shallow. If you have money, you are a spoiled little rich bitch. Mind you, there is no other possible explanation. There could never be any other back story or truth here… because well, assumptions.

We have women who lie. We have women who target men in the workplace. We have women who are opportunists and women who cry wolf. These women harm the creditability of those women who have genuinely been abused and exploited by men. Yet who is the judge? What is the litmus test for this? If you weren’t there, how do you know?

Women have become self righteous prudes. They have become old maids. They have become boring, predictable and a copy, of a copy, of a copy. Oh yeah, that’s what we used to call a “basic bitch,” If she is an individual, marches to the beat of her own drum, doesn’t follow fashion, but makes fashion, then burn that witch at the stake. If she is divergent, if she is outspoken, fearless and contrarian, she is an attention whore, right? If she she is vulnerable and shares events of her life freely, she is a drama queen, right?

Women need to wake up and see that this woman I speak of is all of us…  if only.   Cowards only attack when they feel safe. Do you feel safe now?

Women need to realize that it is very much our gender, our species that is at war. I don’t give a damn if you are anti- Hillary, pro- Michelle, anti- Trump, pro- Trump- none of it is worth the internal destruction of our gender. When you go after one woman, it sets off a chain reaction and it is wildfire. Stop it.

Be supportive. Talk to women. You think you know a woman’s life that you read something about, yet you’ve never met her. Pick up a phone and call her. Quit texting, lift your head from out of your phone. Quit reading Facebook, get off Instagram and look at each other in the eye.

Quit competing. Beauty is not a competitive sport. You cannot look up a picture of beauty in the dictionary. Quit hating women that think different than you. Quit gossiping about your co-workers and do your job. Your daughters see you. Your sons and husbands see the way you treat women too. You are not a fucking feminist.

I am a feminist. I will not tolerate any woman (or man) who bullies a woman. I will not tolerate any woman (or man) who tries to censor a woman. I will not listen to gossip about a woman. I will not repeat second hand information about a woman. I will not condemn a woman whose political views clash with mine. I will not think about, worry about, fret about or obsess about another woman. I am a feminist.

Strong women inspire the confident and intimidate the weak. If you hate that woman, ask yourself why. Then go have coffee with her. Ladies, men wanna see a cat fight. Men will participate in our demise. They will egg us on and hope to see us go in for the kill. Don’t give them that entertainment. Be above that little girl shit. This isn’t high school. Quit acting like a girl and behave like a woman. Quit thinking about her. Think about you. Show your children what matters in life. We all live once and then we die. You wanna die a little girl or a woman?

I’m going to die a feminist who supported women, not a girl who tore them down.




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Secrets destroy humans more than anything else

Secrets are the most powerful thing in the world. People categorize which events in their lives are deemed “secrets” based on one criterion: The fear of what others will think of them. We hold onto these secrets as skeletons in closet, demons in our heads, memories of the past and scars that never fade.

These secrets can mold us into the people we are.

These secrets can dictate what kind of parent or spouse we will be.

These secrets can shape our perception of a specific person.

These secrets can cause us to be fearful, distrusting, and more secretive and ultimately imprison us for life.

There is only one way to take away the power of secrets. Tell that secret.

Once you realize that holding tightly to a mistake from your past or a horrible act that was done to you, is permanent punishment, you have to be brave and kill it because it will kill you.

Perhaps a bad business deal, an irresponsible choice that wreaked consequence and havoc on you and someone else occurred in your childhood, or in college, maybe even last year. You will carry this horrid weight around as baggage into every relationship. You will carry it to your grave. It will manifest itself in your body, in sickness, sleep disorders, eating disorders, anxiety, depression, weird coping mechanisms will be forged on the secrets behalf.

Society teaches us to worry about what others will think of us. What will people say if they know this? Once you tell it, all of that worry goes away in a flash. It is literally the fastest acting remedy I have ever experienced in my life. When you tell that secret, it loses its power over you within 60 seconds. It is fucking amazing and I am here to tell you to stop listening to this stupid world that has sold you a lie. The lie that the opinions of others are relevant to your happiness.

Sure we are all entitled to privacy and each individual is the only person who has the right to determine what should be private. I am not saying you have to be confessional. I am not encouraging people to wear their heart on their sleeve. I am not glorifying drama queens or attention seekers.

I am talking about something truly unique and it stands alone in a category all by itself.

Social taboos



Childhood traumas- incest survivor, molestation

Domestic violence survivor


Committing a crime

You were once a porn star or a stripper

You served time in jail

You bullied a kid and that kid ended up in a hospital or dead

You had anorexia or Bulimia

You cut yourself

You had a Juvie record

You lived in a halfway house

People are human and most of the self-righteous assholes out there that are the loudest and most judgmental are often the ones with the ugliest secrets of all.

Quite frankly, if you have no secrets, you’ve never lived through one of the taboo subjects mentioned, then guess what? You are a sheltered, ignorant and uninformed person. You managed to get through life unscathed without a scratch. You know what you know because you read about it or saw a movie about it, thus you have second hand or third hand knowledge at best. Count your blessings though.

I’ve met people like this. They are super thinned skinned and they get upset over nothing. They are the ones who are the real drama queens. They are the ones who live vicariously through the legitimate suffering of others. They are the ones who live in glass houses and throw stones (then duck down).

Yet often those who have lived a life of hell tend to live in denial about it. That’s another byproduct of secrets. In order to function, you pretty much have to be in a certain degree of denial in order to go on functioning. Denial is awesome because it actually works! I shit you not- people who master denial never have to deal with anything; it’s incredible. I have seen people who committed heinous acts or had horrors done to them and they burry it deep in the ground. They build a structure on top of it, plant a garden on it and poof- it’s gone!

They will always be the ones to point out other people’s shortcomings. They always focus on other people’s lives and they constantly have to be talking about others. These people are so easy to spot because they have an obsession with focusing on everyone, but their own shit.

Be brave, don’t let your secrets own you. Find a way to let it out, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone.



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Ari Fuld redefined friendship for me

I hate funerals, always have.

Truth be told, I hate weddings too, ceremonial formalities in general, really.

My friend is having a funeral tonight and I’m not going.

I cried all afternoon.

Then I drank.

I spoke to a few people by phone about it.

My heart hurts.

I’m angry.

I cannot be in a space of hundreds of people who feel just like me.

Instead, I’ll write. It’s what I do.

I write everyday. I write in my journal mostly.


We live next to enemies that want to kill us.

We live next to humans who want to coexist with us.

We live next to otherness that we don’t understand.

We live next to a different culture, a different ideology than ours.

We talk to them.

We ignore them.

We date them.

We hate them.

We are afraid of them.

We trust some of them.


They stab us.

They stone us.

We destroy their homes.

We arrest them.

They are financially compensated for terror by their government.

They are released in a prisoner swap.

They are shot on site and forever memorialized as a shahid.

We bury our dead.

They bury their dead.

On and on it goes with no end in site.


Zionism demands a great deal from us, doesn’t it?

One cannot comprehend the magnitude of the responsibility it requires of us if they do not live here.

Zionism takes its toll on us all here.

The Zionist enterprise is a tiresome, uphill fight- every damn day.

My friend died a Zionist. He died fighting for Israel everyday.


I ask myself if this teenage little bitch knew who he was.

Was my friend targeted?

I also feel like if a big guy that is also armed can be taken down so easily, I too am at risk.

Of all the people in this whole country that could’ve been murdered today, it was he. They picked the wrong guy. Seriously.

He was pro-Israel alright, but he would talk to anyone. He never got sloppy or used personal attacks. He helped every person he knew. He was a real life hero. He cared about this land and its people through actions, not Facebook rants.

I’m upset because he brought me over a plastic stool to reach this storage cabinet that was up too high in my old place. When I moved to another apartment, I left that plastic stool behind. I’ve needed it on a couple of occasions and kicked myself for not going back and getting it. I wonder if it’s still there or not? Had I kept it, I would have a memento of him. I’d remember him every time I looked at it. I’d remember the time he stood on it and tried to break the pad lock on the cabinet door because I lost the key. Hell, I think he even used his gun to break the lock, lol!

I’m upset that the guy who literally and figuratively kept us all safe is gone now. He was a real life friend. People say they are your friends, but then when you are in need, they don’t show up. He showed up. Friendship is an illusion made up of words. Without actions, there is no friendship. Friendship is a high price and few can afford to pay it.

Ari Fuld redefined friendship for me.






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